DO YOU FEEL PAIN?

Going through medical road junction to Ogba, I was about to get on a bike when an ‘agbero’ guy, smoking his cigarette walked close to me, talking to a second bike guy, “why you no carry that girl now, you no dey go Ogba?” he asked the bike guy. “She no talk better price jare”, the bike guy replied. Talking softly and sadly the agbero guy responded “you for carry am now, free sef. She lost her sister. Them just call am, the girl dey hospital since. You no see am sey she dey cry?” he replied the bike guy.

Aside the sadness I felt in my heart for the girl who had just lost her sister, I was more shocked by a sober looking agbero guy. What was more interesting was that I realized he didn’t really know the girl except that she sold recharge cards around them there and that she just lost her sister. So for those who are probably thinking and trying to rationalize why he would be so concerned, re-route the thoughts of your brain.

As I got on the bike and started my ride, I couldn’t stop thinking about the pain on the face of the agbero guy, the concern and care. It felt like he was feeling the girl’s pain personally. I couldn’t stop think of what that girl might be going through. I have lost a sibling before, so I know firsthand the pain that comes with that. I was out too when I got the news, and I remember how I cried all the way home. People saw me on the road, some literally ran away from me when they saw me, and others had look of pity for me. One thing was certain though, I didn’t care who saw my tears, I was grieving and that was all that mattered at the time. So I felt that girl’s pain.

Sometimes until something happens to you, you usually see it as something far-fetched. Even worse is our insensitivity towards people who are going through those experiences. I went to work the next day after my brother died, I went to church, and continued my routine. Till date, my heart still bleeds and the pain is still fresh, but I carry this pain as I did when it happened. I smiled, laughed, encouraged others, but the pain was strong in my own heart. Most people at the time didn’t even know what was going on with me, but demands were made of me that I still had to fulfill.

Hearing this girl’s case this day, brought me back to my own experience with my brother, and it dawned on me that, in the same vein, so many other people carry all sorts of pain around.  A couple of days back in the bus, the lady sitting beside me was crying, and I asked her if everything was alright, she said she was and I left her to herself.

The truth is that, there is so much pain in the world. Every day, someone somewhere is going through something and chances are that the person(s) that makes us smile the most with their own happy countenance is probably going through the most pain we can imagine. But in our ever so busy schedule and strive for comfort and ‘the good life’ we often fail to stop and think of others. So many people constantly wear a mask around. Much as we shouldn’t let our troubles make us carry a sad face around and act crazy, we are allowed to feel our pains and process our grief, and a lot of people around us are undergoing this process without us knowing.

As such, it is important that as we go through life, we learn to be more sensitive, and learn to every now then be generous enough to ‘throw’ sincere well-meaning kind words the way of people we meet. It can never hurt to speak kind sensitive words. I once had a friend who enjoyed joking with everything about people, and it hurt me to see this person not be bothered enough with the conditions of people. I know people who would say ‘as long as it doesn’t affect me, I cannot be bothered’. That is a very wrong approach to life, but most of us without saying it actually go through life that way, we are just not as sincere as the person who admits it. If an ‘agbero’ guy could feel the pain of someone he barely knew, I must confess I was ashamed of myself for times I had been insensitive with the people around me.

Many of us like to go celebrate with people, weddings, birthdays, promotions etc. but what we fail to realize is the fact that the command on us is to “rejoice with them that rejoice and mourn with those that mourn”. We do the rejoicing and recoil from the mourning. I recently was guilty of this. In addition to the girl in question I didn’t know, my hairdresser who was pregnant was said to have lost her child after birth, as well as her younger sister few days later. I was quick to go and celebrate with another neighbor who put to bed safely, but have been procrastinating going to see my hairdresser. Getting the picture now? Rejoicing is always easier, but the mourning is a harder part of our existence we also have to face. It doesn’t mean I don’t care, but I would have to prove that by showing up for her at this time.

Feel the pain of others, be compassionate and don’t be a part of the ever increasing pain in the world. Be kind to people, patient and extremely sensitive. Keep a smiling face and stay strong yourself. Sometimes we need to stay strong not for ourselves, but for those around us.  WWJD (What Will Jesus Do?) He is touched by the feelings of our infirmities. Are you touched by the pain of others? Be a relief and source of comfort to someone. Feel pain, not just yours, but that of others as well.

Much Love,

Miss Young.